I suspected my wife of cheating again so I secretly recorded her sex sessions
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I suspected my wife was cheating yet again, to prove it I secretly recorded her affair – and even her sex sessions in our marital bed.
Unbelievably, she then tried to insist she still loves me.
We’ve been married for 15 years. I’m 44, she’s 40 and we have sons aged 14 and 12.
The first time she cheated was just a few years into our relationship.
She said she was feeling trapped at home with two very young boys, so I forgave her.
But it happened again a few years later.
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This time, she blamed the fact we weren’t getting on.
Again, she begged forgiveness and I took her back — mainly for the sake of the children. A few months ago, I started to suspect she was at it again.
She was distant and had become more interested in her appearance — a couple of typical telltale signs.
As I often work away and she only works part-time, she has a lot of time on her own at home.
My suspicions niggled but I couldn’t prove anything, so I decided to set a trap for her.
I got an old voice-activated dictation device and rigged it up in the bedroom, where nobody would find it.
When I got back from one business trip, I listened to the recordings.
I heard her talking to the same man several times.
There were also sounds of kissing and moaning.
Listening to it sickened me, but I was sadly not surprised.
She denied an affair.
When I played her the evidence, she tried to worm her way out of it, saying she was weak but still loves me.
I now think she’s a narcissist with no morals or conscience. But although I have had enough, I don’t want to leave my boys.
I’m so worn down by it all.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You would never have spied on your wife if you hadn’t already known what you’d find.
For good reason, you no longer feel able to trust her.
And without trust, a marriage is all but dead.
It sounds like you are exhausted and dejected.
You deserve better – and leaving would give you a chance to find happiness with someone who truly loves you.
It’s still possible to be a good father to your boys, even if you aren’t with their mum.
But it is essential to maintain a good relationship with your wife for their sake.
Please think about having some counselling individually or as a couple to help you both transition with dignity.