My partner and I haven't shared a bedroom for 3 years and I can't imagine going back to sleeping in the same bed
Insider's author and his partner sleep in separate bedrooms. He says it's the best decision they've made for their relationship.
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- My fiancé and I moved into an apartment together in late 2019.
- We intentionally looked for places with two or three bedrooms so we could have our own space.
- It is the best decision we made when apartment hunting.
When my partner and I were looking for apartments three years ago, we did not predict a global pandemic would keep us trapped in our apartment for months on end. Our separate doors and own private space felt particularly vital when we were both working from home and needed personal time to unwind.
But three years later, even with offices opened back up and general life back to a more normal state of affairs, I am so glad we have separate bedrooms and would never go back to sharing a bed.
Having a space that is just your own is integral for decompressing
One of the biggest benefits is having a space to decompress. My fiancé and I both have different ways we like to keep our rooms — I'm a neat freak, he's simply not — and I can have my own private area that is kept to my standards without having to try to mesh our two lifestyles together into a cramped space.
Instead, my bedroom is my sanctuary where I can completely relax without getting annoyed by socks left on the floor or a glass of water left over from the night before. Similarly, he doesn't have to deal with someone pointing all these things out. Win-win.
Sleeping in a bed by yourself is simply more comfortable
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If your partner snores, falls asleep with the television on, or wakes up periodically throughout the night, it's just not enjoyable to sleep next to them.
For example, I love to have "Friends" playing when I fall asleep. The gentle comedy of a '90s sitcom has a certain lull that I find helps me doze off — my partner, meanwhile, does not think a sitcom with a laugh track and one of history's most obnoxious theme songs is conducive to a good night's rest. I also tend to wake up throughout the night and don't have to worry if turning a light on to read will disturb his sleep.
On the flip side, my dude snores so loudly it makes it difficult to fall asleep in the first place and startles me awake. That's not an enjoyable experience, let alone when all you want is to have the dulcet tones of "Smelly Cat" playing in the background.
Budget concerns can make this difficult, but it's no different than having a roommate with a separate bedroom
I get that this is not sustainable for everyone, particularly families where space is already tight. But if you're willing to look in different neighborhoods, it's essentially like having a roommate with a separate bedroom, which is a pretty common living situation for a lot of young adults.
That doesn't mean my partner and I are roommates in a romantic sense — while some experts might say this can limit intimacy, to us, getting enough sleep and being able to have our own private areas is great for our mental health, which in turn, is great for our relationship.
At the end of the day, I'd highly recommend it to anyone. The ability to close your own door and maintain your own space plus get a better night's sleep is worth it, at least for us.