Us: How Online Were You in April?
Carrie: Big is moving to Paris.
Congrats: Your eyes have fully recovered from staring directly into the eclipse. And if you were one of the apparently many people Googling “my eyes hurt” that same afternoon, then you’re not someone who gets outside a lot — which means this month was a wild one for you. In addition to juggling the deaths of beloved creators Kyle Marisa Roth and Eva Evans, users also had to hold space for everything from the birth of Nara Smith’s baby to the wall-to-wall tidal wave that was the internet’s reaction to Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department. That, plus a New York City earthquake and the sudden popularity of a Shijiazhuang-produced amino acid, the internet found plenty of things to talk about.
To find out just how much you yapped this month, we created a helpful quiz. For every internet moment you recognize, add up the corresponding number of points, and see just how online you were in April.
+1 Point
Trumped by tweets. I have a nightmare where every mean thing everyone has ever said about me is read aloud to my face. During the week of April 15, however, this was Donald Trump’s reality, as his defense team attempted to dismiss potential jurors based on their past negative social-media posts about the former president. These posts included tweets referring to Trump as a “racist, sexist,” and “narcissist” and calls on Facebook to “lock him up,” according to the New York Times. In both cases, the potential jurors were dismissed.
More Rowling trolling. J.K. Rowling being bonkers on X is usually just another Saturday, but on March 13 she refuted a user’s claim that the Nazis had burned books on trans health care and research, a well-documented act of aggression. In response U.K. journalist Rivkah Brown accused the author of being a Holocaust denier in a post. On April 15, however, Brown wrote a formal apology on X — a source told BuzzFeed Rowling’s lawyers had urged her to post an apology despite the offending post being deleted. If everything else hadn’t already made it so, threatening a journalist over a single X post makes it crystal clear the once-beloved author now has too much time on her hands.
Ticktock, TikTok. You’re confused, I’m fucking confused, bro, because here I am once again talking about a potential TikTok ban. After passing in the house last month, the never-ending attempt to force ByteDance to sell TikTok or have the app face a ban in the United States once again retreated into the shadows. But on April 20, it was shoehorned into a larger package about foreign aid, which passed in the Senate on April 23 and is expected to be signed by President Biden. TikTok’s response? It’s not going anywhere. Cool. See you here next month.
+2 Points
Quaking in 4K
Cons of living in a self-imposed social-media surveillance state: Someone overhears your gossip and blasts it on TikTok. Pros? Videos of unaware New Yorkers experiencing a rare earthquake while doing a fit check. On April 6, a 4.8-magnitude earthquake struck central New Jersey — according to an emergency alert that didn’t hit New Yorkers’ phones until 26 minutes after the incident. In the meantime, social media was inundated with reactions, memes, and flustered analysis, culminating in a frenzy that your average Californian is calling “a bit much.”
Why It’s a 2: Its status at two is a tacit acknowledgement that NYC is not the center of the universe, but at least for ten seconds it was the center of an earthquake. (Fine, New Jersey was the center, but they tell people they live in New York.)
Pratt behavior
— Elijah Wood (@elijahwood) April 19, 2024
In an apparent attempt to claim the title “even worser Chris,” Chris “Worst Chris” Pratt and wife Katherine Schwarzenegger purchased a 74-year-old house by architect Craig Ellwood for $12.5 million and immediately demolished it. The couple plan to build a 15,000-square-foot modern farmhouse, encroaching onto the property’s original landscaping that they also destroyed. The news broke on April 8, and everyone from architecture enthusiasts to Frodo himself absolutely lit the couple up across X and TikTok for being blithe wealth personified. The reason for the move? The property is across the street from Schwarzenegger’s mother, Maria Shriver. Unfortunately, “My mommy made me do it” doesn’t fly when you’re 34 years old.
Why It’s a 2: Can I say I knew about this home before the scandal? No. But it takes something particularly egregious to make people of so many different stripes this annoyed. And hobbits. They know their houses!
Fancast fury
alright i deleted #that tweet
— miles ????️ (@adoreschandler) April 9, 2024
i tweeted it for fun but people took it seriously and decided to be racistpic.twitter.com/L2blN3aTKv
Racists showed up to the “getting mad at imaginary situations” competition, but Disney adults were already there. After an X user claimed a source told them Mean Girls (2024) actress Avantika Vandanapu was screen testing for the role of Rapunzel, a bunch of people who just “really care about blonde hair” lost their minds on the internet. Never mind that the author of the now-deleted post admitted it wasn’t real, and that the entire controversy was based on hypothetical fan casting, Vandanapu still endured an onslaught of racist commentary and comments on her Instagram. It’s enough to make anyone shut themselves off in a tower.
Why It’s a 2: I wish it wasn’t! I wish people online had anything better to get this worked up about than a hypothetical children’s movie. But if something made up gets this much backlash, then it’s just a glimpse into what Halle Bailey had to undergo last year.
+3 Points
BuzzFeed, solved
TV networks are already giving us streaming fatigue, so the last thing we need is YouTubers to throw yet another subscription service into the mix. But on April 19, former BuzzFeed hosts Steven Lim, Ryan Bergara, and Shane Madej, who now make up the digital entertainment company Watcher, announced that they’d be moving their content behind a paywall. Instead, if audiences wanted to access new or old episodes of shows like “Ghost Files,” “Mystery Files,” and “Puppet History,” they’d need to pay $5.99/month or $59.99/year to access them on their new streaming service Watcher. Fans immediately and aggressively lambasted the move, calling it a slap in the face to viewers and citing the recent Rooster Teeth shutdown as an example of why this model is doomed to fail.
After just three days, the boys were back on YouTube with the classic former-BuzzFeed-employee PR crisis strategy: sitting on a couch to say sorry. “We messed up,” CEO Lim said in the follow-up. “We understand where you’re coming from — and we’re making immediate changes.” Now, the streaming service will provide early access to content for subscribers and will become free to YouTube viewers a month later.
Why It’s a 3: Only on the internet can something get so much backlash the perpetrators cower in a formal apology video. Sure, it’s written up in Variety, but the average person would just smile and nod politely when presented with the same news.
Aspyn-erational
Is it a baby reveal or a divorce soft launch? In this year 2024, in the era of influencers, why not both? On Monday, April 1, longtime YouTuber Aspyn Ovard shared the news of the birth of her third child on social media — and filed for divorce from her husband of eight years, Parker Ferris. This was not an April Fools’ joke. While the 28-year-old herself has not officially spoken on the matter, People obtained the Salt Lake City filing and later reported on April 17 that the proceedings had been paused “pending the outcome of settlement negotiations.” In addition to their newborn, Ovard and Ferris share two other children — Cove, 4, and Lola, 2. But even more impressive than her powers of procreation is Ovard’s unbothered content ever since the news broke, which included a trip to the spa and post-pregnancy fit checks.
Why It’s a 3: Ovard’s been posting on YouTube since as early as 2011, and her followers have seen her graduate high school, get married, and become a mother. For many, she represents an OG era of YouTube that no longer exists — but it seems people are just excited for her new era: glamorous divorced TikToker.
+4 Points
Pod politics
Don’t let TikTokers fool you — podcasts are where the real tea happens. While it may seem like Tana Mongeau, Trisha Paytas, and Brittany Broski are just getting passed around the same five microphones, you’d be wrong: Mongeau revealed on the April 11 episode of Cancelled that Broski had declined to appear on the pod, which she shares with Brooke Schofield. “My fans would stab and grill me on a campfire if I did,” Broski replied, according to messages Mongeau read on the podcast. While Broski never publicly responded to the callout, this reveal bothered fans of both podcasts, who pointed out that Broski has appeared on the podcasts of far more problematic men, like Theo Von.
“You’re basically saying that many people look down on us and don’t like us,” Schofield said in the episode, which featured Paytas as a guest. Perhaps not the time to mention this, but Broski did just appear on a podcast with Drew Afualo and Caleb Hearon, and it’s delightful.
Why It’s a 4: Writing about the antics of Tana Mongeau and Trisha Paytas is nostalgic, in a way, but while they may have pioneered much of mainstream internet drama, they remain a niche interest for the chronically plugged-in. While redditors were all over this gossip, everyone else still calls Broski “kombucha girl.”
Skepi gets skewered
Please, won’t someone think of the brands? In a now-deleted April 8 video from Leo Skepi, a motivational-lifestyle content creator, he argued that people shouldn’t get mad at brands for not carrying their size. “Brands are allowed to want a certain image and look with their product,” he said. “They are allowed to make things for the people they want to make them for.” He was immediately called out by both fans and fellow creators, including Drew Afualo. The next day, he posted a new video, acknowledging he had “some shit to own up to” and that he deleted the video because it made people feel unsafe. “I’m going to give you my word that I’m going to do any work necessary to make sure that you always know and feel that I’m looking out for you and I’m here to protect you,” he said.
Why It’s a 4: While the controversy made waves for 24 hours, it was mostly among people who weren’t followers of his content. Skepi is still embarking on a multicity tour this May, and if his YouTube comments are anything to go by, his followers have forgiven, forgotten, or may have missed it entirely.
A cozy controversy
Cardio, but cozy, has been the brand of creator Hope Zuckerbrow since 2023. Her “Cozy Cardio” videos promote a gentler, self-care approach to exercise that doesn’t involve intimidating workouts or overexertion. The concept resonated with hundreds of thousands of followers, so much so that Zuckerbrow was brought onto the Today show on April 8 to promote the concept — for 22 seconds. The rest of the segment, for reasons unknown, was dedicated to another fitness creator — Megan Roup — whose videos, while similar, did not originate the trend. Whether it was a case of poor research, or fatphobia, that led to the slimmer creator being promoted on national television over the movement’s actual founder is unclear, but the injustice was felt. Not only did Zuckerbow’s preexisting fan base rally, but she ended up hitting 1 million followers thanks to new viewers who wanted to support her. In a conversation with Vulture, she shared what the experience was like.
Why It’s a 4: If there’s one thing TikTok loves, it’s a niche. “Cozy Cardio” may be one of many ways to exercise, but for its devoted following, a softer approach to working out has been a game-changer.
+5 Points
Gotta have my glycine
Listen. It’s simple. While there are many supplies of glycine on the market, Donghua Jinlong is the best money can buy. I know this, because the earnest TikToks from the Shijiazhuang-based company were championed by the irony-poisoned users of TikTok, who began promoting the product on their own pages and getting into fake beef with one another. Glycine is an amino acid that builds protein and is used in pesticide production, water treatment, and electronics, among other things. It’s quite possibly the most boring product on the market, which is exactly why users are creating edits like this.
Why It’s a 5: TikTok loves an in-joke, and with the threat of a ban looming over the app in part because of concerns about China’s involvement, users championing Donghua Jinlong is mostly just to fuck with outsiders’ perceptions. Not only is it indecipherable conceptually, it’s half in a different language. Even in English, amino acids mean nothing.
Protect and serve
like many other people, my other tiktok hole this week has been thai military conscription where the fiercest divas you’ve ever seen find out if they have to literally serve https://t.co/69E233XcXz pic.twitter.com/k9FURdLCBz
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 11, 2024
The Hunger Games Reaping, but make it serve cunt. That’s the best way I can describe this month’s spate of viral videos of Thai divas learning whether or not they’ve been conscripted into Thai military service. If they draw a black slip, they are exempt, but if they draw a red one, then they must serve two years of military service (that is both compulsory and the subject of accusations of abuse). So while this video of a diva theatrically learning their fate has a happy ending, this diva was down.
Why It’s a 5: The fact that Americans can playfully cheer on conscription is a sign that maybe we haven’t thought about this one enough.
Franta feud
Before there was TanaCon and Dramageddon, there was MyDamnChannel and O2L. The latter is what we’re talking about today, because Connor Franta, a member of this early collaboration channel that included Kian Lawley, Trevi Moran, JC Caylen, Ricky Dillon, and Sam Pottorff, came to TikTok on business. In a video from Joey Graceffa answering “uncomfortable questions” with his ex, Daniel Preda, Preda referred to Franta as “boring.” “Nobody cares about him anymore,” he adds. Unfortunately for Preda, however, now they do, because Franta came back swinging.
“Daniel, my name has been in your mouth and on your mind for years,” Franta said in a TikTok response. “I don’t think about you. The internet doesn’t think about you … If my crime is being boring, your crime is being nothing.” And this is why it’s important to have grown-up influencers: They have grown-up insults.
Why It’s a 5: While anyone can appreciate a good read, it takes real OGs to appreciate the significance and the mastery of this clapback — one that’s seemingly been brewing since 2014.
So, how online were you?
0–15 POINTS: Kinda plugged in.
Your “Likes” tab is entirely wholesome videos of people looking at the eclipse, and it should be! There were lots of opportunities to get on the internet this month, and you avoided literally all of them. For you, April was a month of spring weather and congratulating yourself for having blocked J.K. Rowling years ago.
16–30 POINTS: Above-averagely online.
Can someone just tell you whether to delete TikTok or not? The back and forth has you scurrying to find your favorite creators across too many different platforms, and now they want to add “Watcher TV” into the mix? No thanks, you drew the line for new apps at BeReal.
31–44 POINTS: Irreparably internet damaged.
While this TikTok band doesn’t concern you — you’re already using a VPN to access Douyin — you’ve still found yourself calling your senators simply because you enjoy yelling at them. It’s going to be hard for you to convince anyone, however, since all you have to show for your TikTok obsession is the Donghua Jinlong industrial-grade glycine currently en route to your address.
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