I don’t know what to do next after my husband finally admitted cheating – he denied it for 10 years
DEAR DEIDRE: IN the heat of an argument my husband admitted he’d cheated on me – after ten years of denying anything had happened.
We were arguing because he thought a colleague of mine had been overly friendly and so he didn’t want me to go to work drinks.
My husband said he “knew what men were like”, and something about the comment made me ask again about an incident ten years ago.
This time he admitted the truth but I’m devastated that after so long of thinking everything was fine, he’s been hiding this secret.
I am 36 and my husband is 38. We have been married for eight years but have been together for over a decade.
Before we were married he’d go down the pub regularly with a mate.
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Then one day I received an anonymous call from a woman who said my husband had been chatting up someone and gone home with her.
She said she was calling because she had been cheated on and she thought I had a right to know.
When I confronted him he said this woman couldn’t pay for a taxi, so he gave her a lift.
He insisted there was nothing more to it.
I wanted to believe him and tried to forget about it.
But in the heat of this recent argument he admitted to kissing and fondling her and said she gave him oral sex.
He has broken my heart but thinks I am overreacting.
I feel so unloved. I broached the subject again and he was angry, saying it meant nothing. I don’t know what to think.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have every right to your feelings.
Your husband broke your trust and this has damaged your relationship.
If he wants this event to remain in the past, he needs to face it and own the reality that he’s hurt you badly.
He is telling you that you’re overreacting because he wants to move on and forget about this episode.
Unless he’s prepared to acknowledge the damage he’s done, you’ll never be able to rebuild the trust between you.
He has to be prepared to apologise and to try to make it up to you.
He made a mistake but he has finally owned up to it.
That’s a positive start.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over it? will help you both.