My boyfriend says he’s hopeless at sex – now he’s avoiding it completely
DEAR DEIDRE: Sex with my boyfriend is over in a flash, and I can tell it’s starting to get him down.
I’m 25, he’s 26 and we’ve been together for six months.
While we’ve gone from strength to strength since we met, intimacy between us has always been problematic.
At first, I assumed it was because of nerves, but months later he still can’t last more than a few minutes.
We’ve tried countless things to help, from taking it slow to masturbating before sex, but he still struggles.
He does his best to please me in other ways, and while I’m always satisfied, it’s clear that he’s still embarrassed by it.
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He keeps apologising and saying he is hopeless at sex, though I do my best to reassure him he has now started to avoid it all together.
We’re running out of options and I’m scared he’ll start to push me away.
Is there anything we can do? I just want to feel close to him again.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Reaching orgasm too quickly – or premature ejaculation – is common, especially in young men.
It’s a psychological issue, rather than a physical one.
Annoyingly, the more he gets in his head and worries about it, the more it’s likely to happen.
The way to overcome this is if he tries to let go and take the pressure off himself. Instead of making sex the end goal instead, focus on things like kissing and caressing.
My support pack, Want To Last Longer? offers more practical advice.