My attraction to men is consuming me but how do I tell my wife?
DEAR DEIDRE: All my life I’ve identified as straight but, secretly, I’ve always had thoughts about sleeping with men.
Now I’m married to an amazing woman but I’ve become obsessed with watching gay and bisexual porn.
I’m 34, she’s 32 and we’ve been married for two years.
While I’ve always known that my sexuality was fluid, I did my best to suppress it. However, recently these thoughts have dominated my mind.
Every day I’ve found myself fantasising about sleeping with men and I’ve even had several very sexy dreams about them.
It’s starting to consume me, and while the last thing I want to do is cheat on my wife, watching gay porn isn’t cutting it anymore.
I’m confused about whether I’m bisexual or fully gay and wish I had taken the chance to explore my sexuality before.
I’ve thought about telling my wife countless times, but I’m worried about how she’ll take it.
My head is such a mess and I don’t know what I should do.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Human sexuality is complicated and many people need to experiment before they understand their preference.
Don’t rush into labelling yourself. You may be gay or bisexual. What matters is that you accept yourself.
If you’re worried about telling your wife, talking through your feelings with someone outside of the situation first will help. Contact Switchboard LGBT+ (switchboard.lgbt, 0300 330 0630) for local counselling, support groups, and social networks.
And see my Gay Worries and Bisexual Questions support packs.
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