Ex-Paramedic Advises Parents To Teach Kids 'Safe Adults Don't Ask For Help'

Many of us grew up being warned of “stranger danger” which was, on reflection, a bit vague – and also pretty terrifying. 

Some parents still use it today, however experts are increasingly advising people to shun the whole “stranger danger” line as it could heighten social anxiety and limit kids’ ability to develop healthy interpersonal skills.

Instead, experts are advising to teach about “safe adults” and “tricky people”.

Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of safelyeverafter.com, previously told HuffPost that a tricky person is someone who tricks a child or parent into believing they’re a safe person.

They might ask a child for help, tell them to keep a secret from their parents, try to arrange alone time with them, touch their body excessively and/or inappropriately, or invade their personal space.

And on the subject of adults asking children for help, Nikki Jurcutz, an ex-paramedic who runs Tiny Hearts Education, recently warned that children would “willingly go with a stranger tomorrow” if they were asked: “Can you help me find my puppy?”

In an Instagram post, she said: “To a child, this sounds like the right thing to do. We raise our little ones to be kind and helpful. And that’s exactly what makes it work.”

Teach them ‘safe adults don’t ask kids for help’

Parents should teach children that “safe grown ups don’t ask kids for help”, said Jurcutz. “If an adult needs help finding something, they ask another adult. If they’re asking a child, something is wrong,” she added.

And as part of this education, it’s important to practice what they would say to someone if they were asked to help find a puppy, or to go with them, until these phrases become automatic.

“Because in that moment, they won’t have time to think. They’ll fall back on what they’ve rehearsed,” the former paramedic added. 

Fitzgerald previously suggested focusing on empowerment, rather than fear, when teaching kids how to stay safe in these situations. 

She said: “Use empowering words and phrases like ‘boss of your body’ or ’boss of your own touches,’ thumbs up and thumbs down behaviour in other people, listening to their ‘uh-oh feeling’ when their heart or their brain tells them something doesn’t seem quite right.”

In the UK, there has been a gradual shift away from stranger danger, with more of a focus from child safety charities on dealing with unsafe situations. The charity Action Against Abduction came up with ‘clever never goes’ after finding the stranger danger approach “doesn’t work”.

‘Clever never goes’ teaches kids that they must never go anywhere with anyone – so that means a stranger or a familiar face – unless plans have been made beforehand.

Bradford District NHS Foundation Trust urges parents to teach children how to identify and respond to threatening situations, rather than to specific people, with an emphasis on keeping them “safe, not scared”.

It advises letting kids know who they can trust if they need help (such as a uniformed police officer or a teacher) and explaining they must tell a trusted adult if they have been approached by a stranger or if they feel uncomfortable about a situation.