DAVID MARCUS: Top 10 gifts for the Antifa wine mom in your life
Mother’s Day is almost upon us again, leaving sons and daughters everywhere wondering what the perfect gift for mom might be, and in these tense political times, more and more Americans are shopping for their leftist Antifa wine mom.
Antifa wine moms are sprouting up everywhere, with their disdainful expressions, chasing down federal agents in their minivans and trying to prevent the arrest of criminal illegal aliens. Frankly, they aren’t easy to shop for.
So, if you or someone you love has an Antifa wine mom in their lives, here are 10 gift ideas that can help her overthrow the government on her special day.
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Help mom stay one step ahead of the fuzz this year with the latest models of police scanners that will keep her in the know and hot on the trail of rogue federal agents. With a portable scanner she can take in the van, mom will never be far from the action, and always in a position to make trouble.
This year, mom can warn illegal immigrants and her community of the presence of ICE officers in style, with her own 24k gold whistle. Whether she is protecting a sex trafficker, drug dealer or gang member, mom will be the envy of Antifa every time she interferes with law enforcement.
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Sometimes practical gifts can be the most meaningful, and mom will be thinking of you the next time she spends 12 hours seated in the minivan tracking down sinister agents of the state. There are no bathroom breaks when you are fighting fascism, so a bag of Depends goes a long way in the battle against tyranny.
Getting mom her own refugee is really a win-win in every sense of the word. First of all, mom will be living up to your family’s yard sign by welcoming a poor, struggling migrant into your household. But it gets better, because mom’s refugee will be happy to do chores, like cooking and cleaning, while she is out all day and night saving America.
You can’t be a wine mom without wine, and what better vintage to celebrate her day with than a bottle of vino from the winery owned by Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn. This is a bit of a tricky gift, since the winery recently went out of business, for reasons that aren’t important. But that just means any bottle you can score for mom is an even more special collectors' item.
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Won’t mom’s friends be jealous when they see her decked out in her fashion-forward kaffiyeh signed by none other than communist heartthrob Hasan Piker? Supplies are limited, and it's a bit pricey, but mom deserves it just as much as America deserved 9/11, right?
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You’ll sleep safe and sound knowing that mom is protected from the prying eyes of the FBI with a VPN subscription guarding her Discord channels and Reddit boards. She will think of you, knowing all of her seditious online communications are safe and sound.
Mom’s favorite revolutionaries from the hit 2025 movie will all but step through the screen in this visual feast of White guilt and inane violence. Perfect for movie night at the commune or anytime.
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Is mom frustrated everytime she cooks a meal for the collective only to discover that it includes ingredients from Israel or Jewish cultural influences? Now, mom can ban Zionism not just from her politics but from her kitchen with revolutionary recipes that will keep the comrades coming back for more.
For those looking to splurge, why not whisk mom down to sunny Cuba, where she can stay in a five-star Havana hotel and post videos about how much the Cuban people love being destitute.
Antifa wine moms are just like any other mom, except they focus their maternal instincts on poor illegal immigrant criminals and fraudsters. So on one day every year, we say thank you, and do our part to help mom tear down the evil that is the racist, colonialist, God-awful United States of America.
From our autonomous tent city to yours, Happy Mother's Day.