You can only trust yourself to represent you in court after pooping out stolen Tiffany diamonds
Who could forget the story about the man claiming to be the assistant of an Orlando Magic player who stole more than $700k in jewelry? He captivated the country for two weeks last spring after swallowing the stolen goods.
Why two weeks? Because that's how long it took for nature to run its course and for the police to retrieve the expensive earnings he had ingested.
Jaythan Lawrence Gilder, a reported convicted felon with a lengthy rap sheet, was taken to the VIP room of a Tiffany and Co. jewelry store in an Orlando mall after allegedly claiming he was an NBA player's assistant.
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He grabbed some of the jewelry they had laid in front of him and headed for the door. He reportedly struggled with the sliding glass door before shoving an employee out of the way as he made his escape.
Police caught up with Gilder in Florida's panhandle, where he decided to swallow the two sets of diamond earrings worth roughly $770,000 rather than hand them over to police.
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The police then took him to the hospital, producing amazing X-rays revealing what was later confirmed to be, after he pooped them out, the missing Tiffany diamond earrings he was accused of leaving the store with.
As if the story up to that point wasn’t enough, "The Man Who Pooped Tiffany Diamonds," as The Smoking Gun has nicknamed him, isn’t finished. He's decided to add to this poopshow by representing himself in court.
That's right, Jaythan Gilder has rejected a plea deal offered by prosecutors and has decided to represent himself at trial. In a recent court appearance, a judge granted his request to waive his right to counsel.
He will have his court-appointed attorney available for consultation when he enters a courtroom next month in Orlando for the burglary/grand theft case. The 33-year-old from Texas has been in jail since his arrest last year.
What's the worst thing that could happen when representing himself? Well, he's facing some serious time as a habitual offender if he's convicted.
TSG reports that he could face up to 30 years for robbery, with a 15-year mandatory minimum and up to life, with a 30-year mandatory minimum for grand theft.
On one hand, it might not be wise to take this on alone. On the other hand, you don’t want a lawyer trying to explain how stolen earrings ended up in your poop. If anyone is going to do that, it should be you, right?