9 Lessons I Learned From My Ex-Boyfriends
Because every relationship is a learning curve – even the really crappy ones.
You can’t change a person.
No matter how hard you wish something about them was different, it's highly unlikely that they'll ever behave exactly the way you want them to, even if you're sure that change would better their own life.
People are autonomous, and don't take too kindly to being coerced, especially in relationships. How would you feel if the person you loved wasn't happy with you just as you are?
One of my exes was highly resistant to bending even a bit, to the point where we ended up just really living separate lives. But that's why he's an ex, and we're both much happier now we're not trying to compromise with each other all the time.
New Line Cinema / Via fun107.com
But people do change by themselves.
My first proper relationship was a long distance one. We met on our summer holiday with our respective families, and it soon turned into a romance fuelled by letters, the burgeoning days of the internet and low-cost flights. When we met, we were teenagers, but by the time we broke up four years later, we were completely different people.
When you're young and you fall in love during your formative years, that relationship can really shape you. There's nothing quite like your first love, after all. But the key word here is formative, and we all go through several phases before emerging from our chrysalis a fully formed adult.
I knew things weren't going to work out for us when he went from the boy next door to a bit of a party boy, and I went from relatively innocent schoolgirl to a college student. He wasn't the boy I'd fallen in love with anymore, and I hadn't evolved in the same vein. It was only a matter of time before we parted ways.
Long distance is TOUGH.
Being with somebody that lives hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away was incredibly difficult. I found myself missing out on big nights with the girls to stay in and wait for his phone calls, and living my life in weekend-long spurts only to go back to missing him again in between visits. Our lives felt profoundly disconnected, and it made me very insecure.
The only way I could ever do long distance again would be if there was an end in sight, a fixed time frame. Trying to sustain a relationship with no certain future in the long term is pretty darn soul destroying, in my experience.
It’s so important to get on with their loved ones.
You might think that you two can coexist in your own little bubble and you don't need to like the important people in his life, but that's naive.
Until I met my fiancé, I'd never gelled with any of my exes families properly. I mean, they were fine, but we weren't bosom buddies and I told myself that slight tensions were normal.
At the time I didn't think it mattered if I wasn't BFFs with my guy's family members, but meeting my soon-to-be mother-in-law showed me that a fantastic relationship with her was more than just a bonus, it was a game changer. I can't wait for her to be a big part of the rest of my life.