Macron will never quit, however many governments implode around him

The French president treated his latest ex-PM like a booty call and now they’re married again

This is some real Fatal Attraction stuff going on right now in France. Sebastien Lecornu, please blink three times if you need rescuing, or if someone needs to guard your rabbits.

French President Emmanuel Macron just can’t quit his second prime minister in less than a week – who just happens to be the same guy.

Lecornu, a 39-year-old former defense minister, tried to put himself out of his political misery about a week ago. He knocked on Macron’s door and called it quits. Macron accepted his resignation but asked if he could stick around. You know, not officially to be in a relationship as Macron’s prime minister, but to be his booty call.

In other words, still do everything that a prime minister would do. That is, consult with all the parties to try to come to some sort of a workable arrangement. Because, as Lecornu pointed out a week ago, all these parties were just impossible to work with because they were all acting like they were running the show and calling the shots. The anti-establishment right and left leading the charge against Macron’s agenda may have been led to believe that as a result of actually being elected by the people with an opposition majority.

Lecornu had just under a month to get a budget done up, but ended up handing in the roster for his newly proposed government the night before. Since it was loaded with establishment retreads, it was becoming clear what sort of grade he’d be getting in the form of a parliamentary non-confidence vote. So he didn’t even wait around for that shove. He jumped instead, handing in his resignation to Macron the day before.

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But Macron apparently realized that this poor guy whose career had just been reduced to a splatter pattern on the Elysee rug was the best that he could do. How do we know that he thought this? Because Lecornu has just said so: “I don’t have the sense that there were many candidates, to be totally transparent.” He also sounded like he really wanted to take a shower: “I think what’s ridiculous is the spectacle that the entire political scene has been playing out for several days now. I was clear at the beginning of the week. My mission was complete.”

So now Lecornu is officially back as Macron’s side piece. But he wants Macron to know that he’s a strong independent prime minister who isn’t under any president’s thumb. “I don’t have an agenda,” he said. “I have no other ambition than to get out of this moment that’s objectively very painful for everyone.”

Not everyone, actually. This is the best show on French TV. This guy is now on his second government in a week. He jumped out the window, was hauled back in, and was told to keep limping along. France is really upping the game in the comedy-horror genre.

Anyway, it looks like Lecornu’s adventures in masochism are just getting started. The anti-establishment right and left have already said that they’ll vote down whatever government he’s obligated to come up with.

Even the parliamentary head of Macron’s own establishment Renaissance party, another one of his ex-PMs, Gabriel Attal, had warned Macron not to “give the impression of clinging on to control over everything.” Sounds like even Macron’s own party doesn’t want themselves in charge anymore.

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Don’t you worry, Gabriel! Lecornu says that the new government won’t have to answer to his new man, and will be “completely disconnected from presidential ambitions.” Rather, it would be a “government of mission.” And that mission is to pass a budget by the end of the year – giving him a month and a half more of futzing around before he has to throw in the towel and resign for a second time, so this whole charade can start over again. As a vote of confidence in Lecornu, the French press is already asking if he could maybe just present a budget without the need for any government at all. Hell yeah, maybe he can even wear a crown while doing it?

Picking a prime minister capable of lasting more than a few days has traditionally been one of the most basic presidential functions, and Macron can’t seem to get the job done. Now on his sixth prime minister in three years, he’s so bad at this that he’s taken to politically remarrying this latest one like they’re trying to beat Ben Affleck and J.Lo’s record. And that one already looks headed for yet another divorce.

Still, all the calls for Macron to resign are little more than idiotic political posturing. He doesn’t have to. So he won’t. It’s that simple. Just because he’s in the blast radius doesn’t mean that he’s wearing the suicide belt.

What unhappy parliamentarians do have control over is the eventual dissolution of parliament and forcing new elections. In other words, they’ll have to put their own behinds on the line and risk losing their own seats for the greater good and stability of the country. 

To that end, the opposition can vote to reject whatever government Macron’s handpicked prime minister puts forward – even on a daily basis if they want to. Meaning that either Lecornu operates a revolving door of governments until he decides to resign yet again, or Macron establishes his own turnstile featuring a series of prime ministers that each spend a few days playing the same game – all until Macron finally realizes that it’s time for new parliamentary elections.

In the meantime, maybe Macron can find a way to harness all this kinetic energy of ministerial turnover for the power grid. If only because it’ll be needed with all the TVs turning on to watch this grande dumpster flambee.